What We've Become

I wish that I could speak out my mind, and spill out my heart to you and tell you how I really feel.

I feel that we are distant. We're not the same people that we used to be 4 years ago. It's true, people do change, but in our situation, we've changed to the worst. I don't feel loved anymore. I keep having these doubts about us, about you. I sometimes wonder whether or not you're faithful to me. I don't trust your friends, from the stories you've told me about them. They're a bad influence on you. I know that you know what's best for you, and that you are raised well, but I still keep getting back to this annoying feeling that there's something wrong.

We have talked about our relationship many and endless times. We both admit that we have changed, and that we have become distant. We say that we will change and go back to the way we were, but it's been almost a year now since we've said that, and nothing has changed. In fact, we've took a turn to the worse. I see how you talk to random girls, girls you don't know, and you talk to them the way you used to talk to me. I even confronted you about them and you dismiss the subject by saying that they're just random girls that mean nothing. Well call me jealous, but am I not enough? Do you really need to talk to those random "Cuteiya" and whatever to satisfy your self. The way you comment on their pictures, and the way that they talk to you it just makes you a hypocrites. You say that you hate girls that are easy, 5afaf, and yet here you are with 300 something contacts from which you only know 40.

You care about your physical appearance more that you care about us, and you now how much I hate a guy that is obsessed with the way he looks. I keep telling you what's bothering me, and you keep shutting me up telling me that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or pretend to agree and still continue to do whatever it is that was bothering me thinking that I wouldn't know. Newsflash! I know! And it's not a big deal out of nothing. These things actually matter to me, and it hurts me to see that they don't matter to you. You care more about your friends and their problems with their girlfriends, than our own problems. It's been what, 3 maybe 4 months since we've really talked? Ever since you came back from your trip last summer you're a changed man.

When I'm talking to you, I don't feel like I'm talking to the same guy I used to talk to every night before I went to sleep. When I was sitting with you the last time I saw you, it felt awkward. It really felt like I was sitting with a stranger, someone I don't know and never met. I even tried to keep my distance from you and kept moving away from you. I love you, I really do, but right now I don't think I love you the way I used to. And I think that this feeling is mutual.

The thing is, I don't want to lose you because I'm scared of being alone. I know that it's unhealthy to think like this but I can't help it. I don't think I am ever going to find someone like you. You made me believe that you are the best guy a girl could ever have; however, when I see the others around me with their guys, I believe the opposite. I see that you're neglecting me, us. I know that it's wrong of me to be comparing us with others, but what can I do? I don't talk to you anymore, I don't see you, and the only time we talk the longest conversation we would have wouldn't exceed 4 minutes. I know nothing about you right now, and I hate what we've become.